Welcome back to WTY!
I mention the basics of why I started WTY in my Qs&As tab, but what I didn't go into was why I'm so passionate about this. And youth group has a very big part in that.
For my non-Christian readers, you may be wondering "what's a youth group"? A youth group is basically all of the youth of a church (ages vary, but mine is 13-18 year olds) gathering on a day (mine is Sundays) and playing and hanging out at the church with a lesson from the youth pastor (a pastor who specializes in corralling teenagers, basically).
The first part of this post is why I stopped going. The next half will be how it relates to WTY.
The youth pastor was always changing
My church went through three youth pastors throughout my time at youth group.
Each time you got to know one, began to trust them, began to feel comfortable enough to be honest and open up like you're supposed to be able to do, they would leave and you'd have to restart the process.
It was overstimulating
Teens are loud, and I couldn't handle the noises very well. There was also a lot of physical activities that I had no interest in. I ended up coming home most Sunday nights very tired and wanting to avoid all people for the next 24 hours.
Cliques
This is something I think everyone can relate to. The kids there had their groups, their "cliques", and joining one was about as rare as winning the lottery. And if luck has anything to do with both, I'd never win more than a penny (in other words, I never joined any group of friends).
The kids weren't bad, but I didn't relate to them on almost anything. I'm homeschooled, don't cuss, don't think dating at that age is wise, and generally knew more on theological matters then the others (that's not to brag or sound like I'm better then them, I'm not. It's just how the situation was).
The theology was wrong
Or the youth leaders just ignored it all together.
One of my youth pastors (as I said, I've had three) and a youth coach (basically assistant youth pastors) wouldn't talk about the book of Revelation or the end times. If you brought it up, the conversation would be shut down.
I'd like to remind you that a youth pastor or leader is a youth minister. They're supposed to minister to the youth and listen to them and encourage them to know more about God. Not shut down their conversations.
They also would very often teach incorrectly. Not to a extreme degree, but still in a way that should have been addressed because it could've lead to a lot of confusion.
Other times, most often, in fact, youth group simply wouldn't even touch theology. Occasionally you'd get a really good lesson, but then the youth pastor would notice kids were getting stir crazy and he'd cut himself short.
My needs were different from the other students
Most of the kids there didn't really want a lesson, or to learn. They were there to have fun, and unless they're homeschooled (like me) they've had to endure the frustration of school all week. When youth night comes, I can't blame them for wanting to have fun and be wild.
Whereas I really just wanted to discuss the Bible in depth, wanted to learn, and was really only there for the lessons.
Now, that's my problem, not the youth group's. You ask most people what the purpose of a youth group is, and it isn't often "to teach the youth about God". It's more along the lines of "to give kids a place to have fun with other Christian peers and be reminded of God's love".
But that isn't what I needed. And when I talked to my youth pastor about this, he agreed that this was going on and said he had had students like me before, but that (paraphrasing) "I need to reach all of them, so I can't reach the kids like you".
They said one thing, did another
If any of my previous youth pastors or coaches see this, please, don't take this as an insult, but as a perspective from one of your previous students.
My youth leaders would very often say to the kids "I'm going to talk to you like you're adults because you almost are", only to continue talking to them in a very childish manner. They didn't treat them like adults, and teenagers need to be treated like they're adults if you say they're going to be. They need mutual respect, as well.
Bribery
This may sound like a strong word for this, but it really isn't.
I went on a grand total of two youth trips with my youth group shortly before leaving it. They were both with a different youth leader.
On the last one, my youth pastor and his wife encouraged me to take a leader-like position throughout it, to be a peer that lead by example and whatnot, because they knew how I felt in the youth group. I agreed that I would try to.
At the community center where we were staying, we had a meeting with the lady running it (who was also from our church). She gave us a run down on the people in the community and what it was like there and whatnot, and then as we were closing, she held up a sticker with the name of the community on it.
Then she told us that whenever one of our youth leaders saw us doing something really good and admirable, they'd give us a sticker. Whoever had the most stickers at the end of the trip would win a gift card (for itunes, I think).
Allow me to repeat that.
For every good thing we did (on a mission trip) they'd give us (teenagers) a sticker, and whoever had the most stickers got a prize. A prize of money.
We were there to work. We were there to serve the community in the name of God. We were there to help others.
We were not there to be bribed like children on a field trip. We were not there for competition. And we were not there to receive any prize, we were their to give, to people who do not have money, at that.
That was something I really, really wish I had spoken out against. I wish that when that lady first said "any time you do something admirable" I had interjected and said that we were there to give, we were there to help, we were there of our own free will. We did not need to be bribed into doing the work that we signed up for.
The fact that they felt the need to bribe us was, in my perspective, demeaning, discouraging, and inconsiderate.
The kids were underestimated
This might not sound so bad, but let me give an example of what I mean.
We were all gathered in our youth room, the youth pastor was away on a trip and so a couple of youth coaches were giving the lesson instead.
One youth coach was recounting his experience in Haiti as a volunteer on a mission trip. He showed pictures of kids and of the work they did and whatnot, and it was pretty interesting.
But then on of the other youth coaches goes, "And they don't have wifi?" to him, doing the "asking a question you know the answer to for the benefit of those listening" thing.
He said no, they do not.
No one was surprised at that answer.
Later on, a youth coach goes, "and guys [talking to the kids], they don't have xboxes, or smart phones, or computers..."
Like we didn't know that the starving children in the pictures they showed us didn't have an Xbox 1 to play in their free time.
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So, there you have the main reasons of my I left youth group. Now, how does it relate to We The Youth?
If you can't tell, I wasn't very happy with my youth group experience. Through five or six-ish years, through three youth pastors, and through various coaches, these problems remained, some years more than others. I would only be able to think of my very first year at youth group, with my first youth pastor, as being the time I really enjoyed youth group.
But really, I think that's due to the fact that youth group was more organized then, and I hadn't been on a mission trip with it at the time. I was also at my youngest with youth group then.
I want to say, youth group wasn't all bad. There's some aspects I really liked about it. My last youth pastor is a very caring and considerate man and I have respect for him, and I also understand that he couldn't/can't reach me where I'm at. He has an entire youth group to look out for, and I was the minority. He couldn't really help that.
Several of my youth couches are people that I admire and respect very much and always enjoyed talking to. They talked to me like I was an adult, and genuinely listened to what I had to say when I said it, and when they could.
I also enjoyed that mission trip I mentioned quite a bit. I related a lot to the community there and I loved the kids we spent time with and I deeply hope that the work we did was helpful.
There have been two specific events that the youth group did that I think was wonderful, but will not go into.
I love some of our traditions, as well.
I'm very grateful to the youth pastors, their wives, volunteers, and youth coaches who took time out of their week to spend time with the kids, and I don't doubt that they did and do what they did and do out of the best intentions. But for some reason, it never worked out.
I also know that I have friends who really enjoy their church's youth group, so youth group isn't bad as a whole. This is just my experience.
So, with that experience under my belt, I formed a plan.
I've not been going to youth group since early this year, and since then (as well as during the time when I did go to youth group), I've wanted to reach out to my peers.
I want to write these posts to you, I want to discuss heavy matters, I want to look at things from our perspective, I want to give the youth the floor. I want to give you respectful and good experiences where you don't feel like you're being treated like a child, where you don't feel demeaned, and where you can consider things and talk about things not like a child, and not like an adult, but like a youth, which is what you are.
This is why I very much so encourage you to comment your thoughts and perspectives whenever they come to mind, so long as you stay respectful and keep your language clean, and why I welcome guest posters. I want you to have good experiences with disagreements and discussions. I want you to see that you're not the only youth out there who feels the way you feel. I want you to learn. I want you to find unity.
I want you to see that your opinions, thoughts, questions, and most of all, your voice, matters. Whether you agree with me on the matters I talk about or not, whether you're Christian or not, whether you align with my beliefs or not, your voice matters. And I deeply hope that We The Youth helps you to see that.
If you have anything you'd like to say, please go ahead and do so in the comments. I'll respond when I can. :)
- EJ
"Now, that’s my problem, not the youth group’s. You ask most people what the purpose of a youth group is, and it isn’t often 'to teach the youth about God.' It’s more along the lines of 'to give kids a place to have fun with other Christian peers and be reminded of God’s love.'"
ReplyDeleteI don't think that is a "you" problem. I think that *is* the youth group's problem. I think the purpose of youth group should be to disciple the youth and equip them as the next generation of believers. I don't think most modern youth groups, like the one you're describing, even truly reflect God's purpose for the Church. Our purpose is not to have fun all the time (though it's certainly not prohibited; God certainly doesn't want us to be joy-less all the time), but to serve Him and to grow in our faith and to minister to those around us. I think modern youth ministry panders to culture instead of aiming for a biblical model and in doing so loses the impact of our calling as Christians.
Honestly, I think if we were to have meaningful youth ministry, we wouldn't lose nearly so many young people from the Church, because we'd lose those who have no interest in true Christianity and we'd reel in and strengthen those who do and also have a stronger next generation of Christians. The youth in Christ-centered, Bible-centered ministry would be far better equipped, far more knowledgeable, and far more passionate to carry on biblical Christianity. But we're squandering that in youth ministry because we're focusing on making people happy and comfortable instead of speaking truth and showing our own passion and God's love and hope and truth shining through us. Youth ministers underestimate the appeal of authentic joy and connection with Christ reflected to others.
Ultimately, teenagers are usually looking for something stable, something that they can really sink their teeth into and trust while everything else is changing through the teen years. What better to offer them than a genuine relationship with Christ, our solid rock, and thorough understanding of His word?
I really appreciated this post by Sara Barratt that talks along similar lines:
Deletehttps://gcdiscipleship.com/article-feed/six-core-things-teens-need-from-the-church
While I do agree that strengthening the youth in Christ should be one of the main goals of the youth ministry, I also think that youth groups are wonderful places to just hang out with other christian teens. Just playing a game with those similar to you can be just as edifying, possibly even more.
DeleteI know some of the best things my youth group has done for me is the friendships I've created there, and the people I can just talk with about anything. My youth group does have a focus on teaching and living the gospel, along with serving others. But I and many of the other girls there I know best appreciate it most for the opportunity to chat with people who have similar mindsets and views on life.
Though teaching youth the gospel is important, I wouldn't be able to enjoy a youth group that was just lessons and teaching. Even with gospel discussions that let the youth ask questions and give input, something would be missing.
That needs to happen, but we also need to give teenagers the chance to just be teenagers, be silly and funny and enjoy themselves together. Of course a thread of ministering should be wound through every activity and meet up, and the bible should be the center.
There's a time and a place for gospel learning, and there's a time and a place for fun, and the best youth group there could be uses both. I'm very involved with planning activities and lessons with my youth group, and some of the best activities we land on are service projects. You have the fun of being able to talk about whatever you want and be silly, but also are doing something good.
The other thing we quite enjoy doing for our group is teaching skills. Learning first aid, car care, or cooking. These aren't learning about the bible, but they are learning together.
Of course, we also make sure we have activities centered around learning the gospel as well, but not every time. There is a lot of value in just spending time around other Christ-centered peers.
True. There should definitely be some of both. But I think the overall church community should be such that teens could organize get-togethers on their own, and that fellowship with fellow teens can be had in the context over larger church events, also. Not that the youth ministry should *never* be responsible for organizing larger, youth-specific events, because there's definitely value in bringing together the larger group and ideally getting folks out of their usual groups, but I don't think it should necessarily be a *primary* concern.
DeleteNow, I also don't think it should be *primarily* the youth ministry's job to disciple the youth, seeing as that's a task biblically assigned to fathers, but if there's going to be a youth ministry (and I can see that being particularly beneficial in a neighborhood with more broken homes, for instance, though I definitely don't mean to say it's *never* beneficial elsewhere), then I think there should be a much stronger focus than there is on discipleship and truly digging into the Word. Or, perhaps using their discipleship as a stand-in, on equipping *parents* to do that for their kids so that they feel more ready to fulfill the biblical responsibility of discipling their kids.
There's definitely a balance that needs to be struck. And I think it can differ to some degree based on the needs of a particular church, and maybe some do benefit more from a heavier focus on fellowship (particularly if the church is full of strong fathers who are doing the work of discipling their kids). But I think in *any* case there should be a lot of prayer put into the purpose of the youth ministry and what its primary focus needs to be, and I get the impression that far too many youth groups these days simply exist because youth ministries are something that churches just have (which wasn't the case until age segregation began in *secular* areas) rather than because they truly benefit the body. And ultimately I think that's the heart of the issue, more than a balance tilt in either direction.
*while equipping parents
DeleteThat's an excellent point, Ariel! I read that article you linked to and I 100% agree. That article got me thinking, "why do we want to increase our attendance if we aren't going to actually teach these kids anything?"
DeleteI honestly don't know. :/
I agree with you and Adria both in the sense that fun among like-minded peers is great, it's wonderful, in fact! (And I'm very blessed to have many fellow believers as friends. ;) ) But the thing is youth groups often do pride themselves on being an outreach to their community, and often prompt kids to bring friends who don't know Jesus and whatnot.
So, why should we bother bringing our atheist friends to an "out reach" if we aren't actually reaching out, you know? I mean yeah, it can be fun to group a bunch of teenagers together for a good time. But that isn't what youth ministries should be about. Not when they're claiming to be introducing people to Christ and feeding the youth's need for Him, that is.
Thank you both for commenting! ^-^
(Also, Adria, sorry I couldn't reply directly. I'm still working out the kinks in the comment system for this blog and it seems that I can't reply to individual comments that were made in reply to an original comment :[ )
Exactly. I actually have a blog post simmering in the back of my head about focus on outreach vs. nurturing existing church members (and the balance between the two). I really need to sit down and actually write it, lol. The short of my thinking on it is that if we're nurturing a strong passion for Christ in those already part of the congregation, those people will naturally *want* to reach out to people and share the gospel. It feeds into itself. And youth aren't equipped to talk to their friends about the gospel if they don't even know it deeply themselves.
DeleteOhh, that sounds like an awesome post! I'll keep an eye out for it on your blog. ^-^
DeleteIt would be awesome if youth groups would focus more on spreading the gospel like that. I think there's some sort of study that says a person's beliefs are generally formed by the age of 12? And like, you *can* change your mind later in the future, but you really want to begin teaching kids before that, not to mentioned before they've left their teens. And youth groups should really take those kinds of things into consideration.
Because if they could get the kids equipped well enough to spread the gospel in their schools and whatnot it would be *awesome*, because really, teens need Jesus as much as adults do. And all youth ministers really need to do is feed the spark that the kids already have (though I suppose that's easier said than done).
EJ, you said "So, why should we bother bringing our atheist friends to an "out reach" if we aren't actually reaching out, you know?" and that reminded me of the Casting Crowns song If We Are The Body and it says "I we are the body, why aren't His arms reaching?" And I think that unfortunately the problem is that we don't *realize* that we *aren't* reaching. We think we are. We think we're doing our best, but we don't realize that we don't even come close.
DeleteSyberyah, yes, absolutely! I have no doubt that it's a matter of not realizing it. I mean, I hear the people currently leading my youth saying things to each other, to the youth, to the parents, about how they're reaching out and how they're ministering and all these things even though I don't see it happening. Their intentions are wonderful, but their actions are, sadly, lacking. :/
DeleteHonestly, like in We Are The Body, I think this is a problem that the big-C Church has as a whole. We're told to reach out, minister, evangelize, etc, so much that I think we just assume we are doing those things, even if we're not. Especially when it comes to eachother.
We've become, not desensitized necessarily (though that surely is part of the problem), but unaware of what we aren't doing.
My youth group was actually quite different. There is a big emphasis on teaching the Word of God and not just something to do on a Sunday night to get away from the rest of the stressful things in our lives. They spend time with the lessons and going into small groups and talking through and talking about the lesson. Giving our thoughts and opinions and just going a little bit deeper with the lesson that one of the leaders taught.
ReplyDeleteI'm quite thankful that my youth group is like that, and it's a community of people that wants to learn more about God while also having fellowship with each other.
I am however quite annoyed that my youth group and church in general is too small to be able to do missions trips on our own, but what can I do about that.
I'm glad to hear your experience with youth group has been good. It sounds like what it lacks in the field of being able to do mission trips, it makes up for in its teaching and fellowship.
Delete